- Respondent ID
- 1. Age: 18.
- 2. Sex: F
- 3. Parent(s) abroad: Mother
- 4. Parent(s) moved abroad: fifteen years ago
- 5. Country: Spain
- 6. Respondent lives with: father and brother.
- Details of Respondent‘s life before:
I: How old is your brother?
R: He is ten year older than me. He is twenty eight.
I: At the age of three, your memory is a bit fogged. Can you however remember anything from then?
R: Yes, I remember she always came… I mean moments when she came. Until I was six she came on holidays, visited us, sent money, because that was the reason why she had left abroad, to make money. After I was six she started coming more and more rarely. She took my brother there when he was eighteen. Then they came back together, everything was all right. At a certain moment she needed a document from my father and that was why she came to Romania. After that she has never come up again.
I: Were there things you enjoyed doing with her?
R: (She laughs.) I remember I always argued with my brother because we both wanted to sleep with her. Each time we had the same fight. (She laughs more loudly.) And we slept with her in turns. I cannot remember anything else.
I: Who helped you with your homework, who drove you to the nursery and to school?
R: My school was right next to my block, I went alone to school. My father always dressed me up, prepared me for school. Mom only came with the money whenever needed. My father had an operation, though.
I: What kind of operation?
R: A slipped disc. He had to go to Bucharest where my aunt took care of him. I remained with my aunt, Mom‘s sister. At that time we kept close contact through phone calls and they always visited us, sometimes they left, and I also lived with my brother.
- Details of Respondent‘s life after:
I: Do you remember what happened on the first day, after your mother left home each time?
R: Most often she left at night and I had to chat with her until the respective hour, to see she was leaving. The next day was, you know, quiet, but at that age I couldn‘t I didn‘t realize what was going on and I think it was easier like that. If she had left when I was fourteen or thirteen, I would have been more aware of that. As it was, I got over it easily because I didn‘t have her near me when I was very young and got used to sleeping time, to the person looking after you and taking you out… if she had left away later it would have affected me more.
I: Why did she have to leave?
R: I told you we badly needed money. My parents couldn‘t manage and my brother, although he was young, said that… he gave Dad the boost to let Mom leave abroad for work so that we could have a better life.
I: What does your brother do?
R: he is a driver now.
I: Therefore, you understood why she had to leave.
R: yes, I did.
I: You accepted such reality.
R: yes, I accepted it.
I: Can you comment about your feelings? What did you feel?
R: I can say I was rather wronged. I remember very well that each time she left home my neighbors asked me if she had left, if I missed her, when would she come again and I didn‘t know what to answer. Some people had the impression that I was rather… sad… or melancholic, but I didn‘t have such trouble. At that age I didn‘t realize. You cannot have feelings for someone you haven’t had from the very beginning.
I: While your father was in hospital, your aunt took care of you.
R: My aunt and my uncle.
I: Do they live in Buzău?
R: they were from the country and moved to our place for about three months. There was one more period while my father was abroad, too.
I: Still in Spain?
R: Yes, with Mom.
I: Who took care of you during that period?
R: Also my…
I: Uncle and aunt who are from somewhere around the town of Buzău.
R: Right.
I: How did you get along with your father?
R: Very well.
I: What about your uncle and aunt?
R: They got along well…
I: How did you get along with them?
R: I was the baby of the family. They had a daughter. We always were three children. I was quite… how can I put it? Well, you have to accept you are the youngest … I was used to getting my own way. They often scolded the elder ones, but they reached me much later. (She laughs)
I: You were more protected.
R: Protected, that‘s the word.
I: Do you have other relatives here?
R: No, we don‘t. We lived in the country, but not so long as to be able to say I have some memories from there or about some event.
I: Was it very far from Buzău?
R: No, it was near here.
I: How did you get along with the relatives you lived with in the country?
R: Fine, I still visit them with my father; they are on his side. I used to stay with the children outside. But each time I went with my father, I never went alone there.
I: During that entire period did you need to go to a doctor or be put in hospital?
R: Once I had to have a sort of operation on my hand. I ran into a fence while on roller skates. (She laughs) Nobody was at home. My brother had to come from the town. It happened around… near my block, not… and he came and took me to the doctor, to hospital.
I: Your brother.
R: Right.
I: What did your mother say when she knew about that?
R: She didn‘t. She didn‘t know that. I also had gastritis for a while and I also had to go to a doctor. Oh! When I was a little girl I was given a lot of injections.
I: Why?
R: I don’t know. I had a cold or little stuff, not…
I: Who went with you to have the injections?
R: My father did.
I: Do your friends and colleagues also have their parents abroad?
R: Yes, very many.
I: Do you feel you are closer to them than to those whose parents are here in the country? Are you bonded by these common points in your lives?
R: Not necessarily, because we don‘t talk about that, except where our form master asks us… to know the situation of absent parents. You know they make a report on the parents who have gone abroad to work. Frankly, I hadn’t known about some of my colleagues, I only knew one year ago about most of them. We hadn’t talked about that. Sometimes I feel I am wronged when I see that others can get support from both parents and I wonder how it would have been if I had also had the support of both my parents. All the time I see Dad struggling alone. I think this is my only minus.
I: Can you tell me what “struggling” means for you?
R: Well, not struggling properly, but I can see him trying to go through it alone. We want to move and he alone is saving for that. Now my brother helps him, too, and I say to myself: “if there had been one more person…”
I: To move to another apartment?
R: To another apartment.
I: Where do you live now?
R: We live in a studio apartment.
I: All the three of you?
R: Just me and Dad. My brother makes trips from Buzău… from Romania to Spain.
I: What does your father do?
R: He is a maxi taxi-driver.
I: Do you know where your mother worked here?
R: Yes, she worked at a textile factory, as far as I remember.
I: What does she work in Spain?
R: I don’t know.
I: I understand there were two periods: one when she came home and, after a certain moment, she stopped coming. Did she send you any presents during the first period?
R: Yes, I got presents, parcels, packages.
I: She also sent money home.
R: Yes.
I: Did she give you money, too, apart from what she gave your father?
R: Oh, no, I have never asked her.
I: Maybe she was the one who started “look, here is ten euro” or whatever coin it was…
R: Yes, it happened sometimes.
I: If she sent you money now, would there be anything special you would like to buy with it?
R: (She laughs heartily.) Yes, I’ve got a list. I would like a bicycle, a graphic tablet; these are rather big items; well, and I think I would like a pair of striped socks (she laughs).
- Internet-based communication
*Technical
I: Do you have internet at home?
R: Yes, I do.
I: Is it through smart phone, tablet or computer?
R: I also have a computer, but I‘ve stopped using it. The laptop seems more convenient to me. I can take it with me everywhere, it‘s smaller. And I‘ve got a phone, too.
I: Who pays the subscription for the internet?
R: My father.
I: Your mother went abroad fifteen years ago; at that time it was out of the question for you to have internet.
R: No. I had a computer, but not… I don‘t remember. I know my brother used to go to that sort of cafes, internet cafes.
I: As far as I understand, your brother is almost the same age as my son. We decided to buy a computer, so that he wouldn‘t go to cafes and have games and internet at home.
R: I had games, but not… I really don‘t remember if we had internet; around the age of nine I got…
I: It was then that you got the internet?
R: Right.
I: Your father got it, didn‘t he?
R: Yes, he did.
I: Have you ever written letters to your mother?
R: I made… how do you call them? I made season greeting cards at school. Most often, on Mother‘s Day, we were required to… we made them in the classroom. I usually made one for Dad first and then I made one for my mother.
I: What programs do you use to communicate with your friends and colleagues?
R: Facebook, Messenger, nothing else. I’m not very fond of technology, in general…
I: Why?
R: It seems a way of communication like… I, for instance, have a friend in Sibiu whom I exchange letters with. We communicate through letters.
I: I see. By mail.
R: Right. I also have… how do you call it? You know there were stamp albums before.
I: Do you collect stamps? Since when?
R: For a long time. I received stamps and I also had doubles and kept them and…
I: Therefore, you have a friend in Sibiu and you prefer writing letters to each other to using technology.
R: Yes. He finished high school and he even sent me… pictures with his form masters, students.
I: Have you met him somewhere?
R: I met him in Sighișoara. He is from Sighișoara and now he goes to college in Sibiu.
I: On what occasion did you go to Sighișoara?
R: I was on a trip with my class. We visited Sibiu last summer. I would like to make a trip and see “Faust”. I try to convince them to go.
I: have you seen other shows or would like to see?
R: I went to the International Comedy Festival in Brăila. I had gone to a concert. When I came back home I was feeling alone and I decided to take a train to Brăila.
I: Does your mother have a Facebook account?
R: She does and so do I.
I: Do you still communicate?
R: No, although she told my aunt that we still talked. I met my aunt, the one who lived with me and took care of me, we met in the town and she asked me if I talked to my mother and I said no. She said it seemed strange to her, because my mother had told her that she still talked to me. But we haven’t communicated any longer.
I: Do you know why she disappeared?
R: I really don’t know. No, I don’t.
I: When you communicated, how did you do it, before she disappeared?
R: Through phone calls.
I: At that time could you also have video or only audio calls?
R: Audio.
I: Who was the one that usually called: you or your mother?
R: She was the one that called. From time to time, my father also called her on the regular phone.
I: What else do you do on the computer, apart from the communication with your colleagues?
R: I started writing my certification paper. I also started writing a play (she laughs). It is connected to my certification and I decided to do something, too. Tennessee Williams – “The Glass Menagerie”. I had wanted to choose it for my paper. Of course, I kept the text and adapted it somehow.
I: Oh, you re-wrote the play! But why “The Glass Menagerie” and not, let’s say, “A Streetcar named Desire”?
R: I‘ve read both plays and very much enjoyed the stage directions.
I: The didascalia.
R: Yes, the didascalia. It says the glass menagerie represents the fragility of the characters and of people in general and it made me think about the people I have around me.
I: Are the people around you fragile?
R: Yes, they are.
I: How can you see that?
R: They very quickly retreat into themselves, defend themselves even though they don‘t have to.
I: Would you have liked to talk to your mother during this period?
R: (She is silent) About a certain topic or something…?
I: If you have felt the need to talk…
R: No, I haven’t felt the need.
*Content
I: At the time you and your mother still talked to each other, did you talk regularly or only on special occasions?
R: Regularly. Before she disappeared.
I: You said she had been the one who usually called. Did you also call her?
R: Not by myself, no, I only talked to her when my father called her and he invited me “come here, talk to Mom”.
I: Do you remember what exactly you talked about usually?
R: First we talked about school, how school was going, what I had done at school, what semester it was, as she sometimes forgot which semester I was in. Then she asked me if I needed anything and I didn‘t always tell her I needed something, I really didn‘t feel the need. Then I think we also talked about… the fact that she would come home, something like that. She said that… oh, sometimes she even apologized for being far away.
I: At that time, however…
R: Yes, it was for a reason, at that time she didn‘t… she probably didn‘t want to miss some important moments in my life, that‘s why she apologized…
I: Did she use to ask you what you wanted her to bring you?
R: Yes, she did. I remember she did. (She laughs loudly) Sometimes she brought something, sometimes she didn‘t…
I: Did you ask her to bring you a certain thing?
R: No, I only know she asked me: “What do you want me to bring?” My brother does the same. I do ask him to bring me things. (She laughs). I ask him.
I: And does he bring what you ask him for?
R: Yes, he does.
I: You love each other.
R: Sure, although our relationship has been rather…
I: Is it because of your age difference?
R: Yes, our age difference, because when I wanted to go out with him he would go with some older boys. In a way, I understood him. I was so young at that time. If you asked me then, I couldn‘t accept that, but now, yes, I imagine how it was. He just wanted to go out.
I: Were there any things you could only discuss with your mother?
R: (She keeps quiet and then whispers) No.
I: There are certain things you cannot discuss with anyone. Didn‘t you discuss them with your mother?
R: No, I discussed with my father. I think I was feeling rather … shy… that‘s why I didn‘t discuss. I didn‘t know whether I could trust…
I: Did she ever scold you over the phone?
R: Mom? Never.
- Relationship with the absent parent(s) (important stages/significant moments):
I: How old were you when she last came home?
R: I was six. Then she came home once more, with my brother. After that, I also remember she came again to ask for a document from my father and she said she would leave and return. Actually she went to the country side, to my aunt‘s place. My grandma was with us, too, and she told them she would go to the country side. She left without telling us. When my father called my aunt and asked “What’s she doing? Isn‘t she coming home? It‘s been three days! “, my aunt answered: “Well, now, don‘t you know she has gone?”
I: Do you remember what you and your mother did last time or the last times she came home?
R: Non, I only remember that each time she came with very many bags and I liked to try the clothes. (She laughs) There‘s more I wanted to tell you.
I: Please!
R: While I was in high school, I once saw her in the railway station. I didn‘t realize at the moment. I arrived home and the next day she called my brother and asked him “Why doesn‘t she talk to me?”. I had told my brother beforehand: “Look, I think I saw mother, but I‘m not sure it was her”.
I: She probably came to Buzău and you didn‘t know.
R: Yes, she didn‘t let us know. My brother talked to her from time to time. He called her. They still keep in touch, I know it for sure. Moreover, that thing happened.
I: Doesn‘t your brother tell you why she ran away? Didn‘t you ask him?
R: I didn‘t. I guess there must be a reason, how can you leave like that… but I didn‘t care. If it hasn‘t affected me until now, it‘s better not to know…
I: I also suspect there must be a reason. It‘s much more than you think. I can‘t make assumptions. Would you like to go to Spain?
R: Yes, I‘ve been thinking about that, but not to her. I‘ve also talked to Dad about that. If I were to go… but I don‘t see any point in it, although she had asked me if I wanted to go to Spain. I answered that I‘d think it over and… However, Spain is a very beautiful country.
I: Would you like to go there on holiday or for good?
R: On holiday.
I: Do you want to finish school here?
R: Yes, here or… I haven’t thought of Spain as a place where I could go to college.
I: What other place could it be?
R: The northern countries.
I: That‘s interesting. Why?
R: I like their traditions and I‘ve read very much about the Celts and the Vikings.
I: Therefore, it is clear that your mother won‘t come back home.
R: Yes.
I: Or, if she does, you will meet by chance, perhaps in the station.
R: Right. In a station.
I: Do you feel there is any advantage in her disappearance from your life, maybe a higher level of independence for you?
R: Yes, I could say that… Father has never been like that… he always imposed me to be home at a certain hour. I think that, if they had been together, everything could have been much stricter and more limited.
I: There are no more financial advantages.
R: Right.
I: During the period when you kept contact with your mother, did you hide anything from her?
R: No, because we didn‘t talk details. We just talked general things. I mean I knew what she would ask me. She asked what I had done at school, if I had eaten, how many kilograms I weighed, thank God she didn‘t ask about the weather or something (she laughs). She advised me to eat…
I: Do you feel the negative side of her departure?
R: Now, when you ask, I don‘t. But there are some moments when I feel the need to talk to someone, not necessarily a friend. Then I think of her. Once I asked myself how it would have been if she had stayed with me, I just made a picture…
I: Girls have moments when…
R: …they really need to talk, yes. We need instructions; …yes, we need a manual.
I: How do you spend the season holidays, you and your father?
R: We spend the New Year’s Eve together… but for Christmas we go to the country side. We rarely spend Christmas at home. There‘s not much room. We sometimes go to family friends, in a small circle. Music, food… I’m not much of an eater…
I: Could you imagine a party where your mother would suddenly come up directly from the station?
R: It would be too sudden. From the station to… (We both laugh) Even if we live somewhere near the station, it wouldn‘t be… I am young, I could accept her if the others agreed. I mean I don‘t want to judge alone, if the people wanted, I wouldn‘t have anything against.
I: How weird people could be! Thank you very much…